Love

What makes sweet dreams reality? Why do some people spend a full lifetime with their highschool sweetheart, and others waste their hearts' riches on lost causes? It doesn't seem to have any statistical correlation with how intelligent one is, how talented one is, or even one's capacity to love. Tragedy in love comes in all shapes: death, illness, distance, divorce, indecision.
The thing I hate most about love is how powerless it makes the lover. People say love is the most powerful force in the universe, but it has an Achilles heel: reciprocation. There is no force in the universe that can inspire love in the heart of the object of one's affection. If they perceive their worth in their lover's eyes, they may be grateful, yet this is the extent of the goodwill which can exist.
No wonder happy marriages are such a miracle! The probability of loving another who truly reciprocates is so small! The comparison to the lottery comes to mind. How many of us refrain from throwing our money away, based on the odds: these same souls invest huge amounts of energy into romance. For what?
I don't want to live the rest of my life alone. I don't like being alone every evening. I don't like calling my dad so very often, just to ask how to do the "man's job" around the house. I don't like knowing that if my car broke down, I'd have to figure it all out on my own.
Yet I love my freedom! I love being able to eat Life cereal for breakfast, and even occasionally have a second helping, without criticism of my food choices and quantities. I love being able to study and work and play when I choose. Is that selfishness? Is it too much to ask for these and still wish for love?
And then, of course, there is the ever-ambiguous definition of love. It's pretty simple for me: willingness to give all of myself for the best good of another. But that's what makes love so unsafe! If that kind of love isn't reciprocated, I'm screwed! Unless, of course, rather than looking for one soulmate, I direct that great energy toward humanity in general, working to better the lives of all those around me. It's fulfilling. But it doesn't fill my evenings with companionship.